~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ People change and forget to tell each other. ~Lillian Hellman~ ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
8:41 PM...I can't begin to tell you how true that is... At present, I have now been living with my roommate for a little over 2 years. This year, she obligingly moved in with myself and my boyfriend of a year. We were great friends a few years ago. But in the time we have lived together, we have grown apart. At first, it just seemed as though she were developing some other friendships, which is normal. I would hope she did. She is from New Jersey originally and, having moved all over MD, she finally settled in my neck of the woods. I was glad when she began hanging out with my friends and I. I was glad when she found a few friends of her own as well and included me. But in the last year, she has slowly extricated me entirely from her life. Perhaps it wouldn't hurt so bad if we hadn't been close friends to begin with. Or, if I even liked the people she hangs with.
But of course, that last shred of loyalty, and hopes that perhaps we would become friends again moving into a new place is almost entirely gone. She disappears most nights of the week, preferring the company of her group. What started off as merely "forgetting to mention it" to me, has become an entirely "ignoring me" state. So, I figure, oh well. If they don't want to hang out with me, I'm not going to beg, nor will I invite myself to something I've obviously been excluded from.
While I understand that relationship shift, change, and yes, sometimes end all together (boy do I know that!), the way that this one has happened has really affected me. Probably because I see the changes in my roommate so greatly. Two years ago, she was very non-chalant, unaffected by what anyone thought of her. And pieces of that person are still there. However, I also see the new person: the person who cares more about keeping up with her "best" friend. Her bestie is able to afford a pair of $300 shoes, a $200 haircut and colour, and certainly a gym membership. Her bestie can afford to travel to Ireland and all sorts of places. Because she has a great job, with benefits. My roomie, on the other hand, works retail ( like me). And while she gets paid better than I do, she certainly does outlive her means. The bestie, she's not my favorite person. Their friendship began when the two of them bonded over some guy they were comparing notes on. It's a very competitive relationship.
I'm not really sure about all of this here. But I am sure that my roomie and I are no longer friends. We haven't been for quite some time. I'm not sure how I became "the bad guy" or the "asshole." But it makes me long for the days we'd sit on our porch and enjoy an evening together, or go out for drinks.
Maybe I let her get away with too much. Maybe I should have been more adamant that the chores get done before we did stuff, or that bills get paid before we went out. I dunno. Maybe I'm an asshole because I have a boyfriend. Maybe I'm an asshole because I took responsibility and took it upon myself to pay bills she may not have. I dunno. Then again, maybe I just expected too much from someone who doesn't have the spine to be her own damn self to everyone else.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ There is none so crazy as a fool and his honey... ~Unknown~ ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Sunday, January 24, 2010: 3:02 AM!!! It's been HOW long since I was on Xanga!!??? Well shit. I'd almost forgotten about this blog. In this long ass time period, I've been engaged, unengaged, rearranged (in and out up and down).... And guess what. I have come full circle. I am currently living with a wonderful man, whom I have been with for a year and a half. He hates my cat (yes, I still have Taylor...one of the ones I adopted back 5 years ago). Princess has since passed on. I believe she was a casualty of that pet food scandal. But I'll never know.
Currently, I'm 2 classes away from my teaching certification.
And life is pretty damn decent. I mean, I'm broke. Couldn't get my friggin spaghetti tonite (then again, woulda helped if I'd have checked the noodle situation earlier). But, it's okay. I get paid in a week. I think we're all living on love these days...in every sense.
love and .59 cent ramen.
and the cats are eating rice to settle their tummies. Sigh.
PS: I can also be found on LIVEJOURNAL: jump_street1980 or j3nw1ts_0 if you have an account. I decided to link those 2 accounts by creating a community so i could just crosspost to both. we'll see how well this works.
I'm out for today all. Maybe I'll start comin back to Xanga more often. I kinda missed my random gripe fests here :)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Quote of the Moment Fat, drunk, and stupid, is no way to go through life, son. ~Dean Wormer, Animal House~ ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
1:29 PM...*siiigh* I think Dean Wormer made an understatement there... So, I'm trying to think about how to tell a friend of mine what an utter douchebag he's become. Last night, we all hit one of our favorite bars in the area for some late night refreshment. And he acted like we were all hunky dory, no problem. Everyone was best buddies. It was probably one of our better nights. However, there are other nights when we have gone out with him, that he completely ignores us. He may come over and say hi, but it turns into, "Big Poppa Oggling."
Now, I have no problem with my boy hittin on chicks in front of me, hell, if he asked, I'd even help him. But for him to dog us the way he has been...that's just unacceptable.
* Will talk to us, seemingly only if we are the last people in the room. * No longer wishes to even hang out with us. * He gets depressed easily when some girl he liked goes to talk to some other random dude * When we try to cheer him up from this, we get the brunt of his anger
As his female friends, we are officially tired of this bullshit. And we don't want the douchebaggery on us. Soon, someone may just hit him with a beer bottle or something...I swear to god. So, let me know what ya'll think about this issue. Cuz Lord knows, I may kill him if he gets much worse.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Quote of the Moment It
is not always easy to diagnose. The simplest form of stupidity - the
mumbling, nose-picking, stolid incomprehension - can be detected by
anyone. But the stupidity which disguises itself as thought, and which
talks so glibly and eloquently, indeed never stops talking, in every
walk of life is not so easy to identify, because it marches under a
formidable name, which few dare attack. It is called Popular Opinion... ~Robertson Davies~ "Can A Doctore Be A Humanist?" ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
2:26 PM...I wanted to stay silent...But, in lieu of the last week's goinz on, I probably shouldn't. I
really didn't want to get in on the whole "Don Imus" action. I figured
every single LJer would at some point. But, after an entire week of
soaking things in, listening to what people have had to say, and
finally, watching (of all people) Bill Maher last night, I decided I
needed to finally go ahead and get out what has been going on up in my
Let me see if I can break this down... The First Ammendment: Alrighty,
a lot of people will try to bring this little thing up. However,
there's a saying I've always loved, "Your freedoms end where mine
begin." Unfortunately for Mr. Imus, he stomped all over the rights of
these young women to their rights of "life, liberty, and the pursuit of
happiness." Oh, and did I mention that his statement of "Nappy Headed
Hos" could be construed as hate commentary? There are laws against that
- it's all part of that whole, Civil Rights legislation. Pesky things,
Humour: Okay, look. I know Mr. Imus is
considered to be a "shock jock" type humourist. So is Howard Stern. I
also would put Jim Rome in there (yeah, a girl who knows who Jim Rome
is...how hot is that fellas?). However, I can't stand any of these men.
So, what do I do when it comes to the 1st Ammendment and Humour? I
change the damn dial. Now, as far as just humour, look at all the
great comedians...they point out the flaws of society, of
government...basically, the ludicrousness of life in general. They do
not prey upon the weak, the suffering, or the truly deserving. You have
never seen a comedian go on a USO tour and take potshots at the troops.
Why would any true humourist then, take shots at a deserving group of
young, teenage women?
The Media: Really not making
things much better. Most of these young women probably hadn't heard of
Mr. Imus until someone pointed out what was said. Like Bill Maher said,
we are living in a "gotcha!" society, between YouTube, the paparazzi,
and watchdog groups (ie: the PTC), nothing can be said anymore. Look at
what happened to Michael Richards while doing a small standup gig? Who
would have known about that? 15 years ago, it would have been some
random thing to random guy #52 - "Hey, that guy who plays "Kramer" on
Seinfeld went apeshit on stage man." That would have been the end of it
for the most part. Now, we have pictures of Britney Spears vagina on
the television while she goes crazy and shaves her head. These
young women are not the demographic for Mr. Imus. Yes, what he said was
hurtful. Yes, it was wrong. But were it not for watchdog groups and our
crazed media culture, it would have gone relatively unnoticed. I hate
to say this, but our young people today are almost too sensitive. We
live in a world that is being sanitized, sterilized, and
antibacterialized. If they don't hear it now, when they are 30, and are
shocked when they travel and someone drops the "N" bomb on them, what's
going to happen? How will they react? I will not defend Mr. Imus.
But I will say this, previous generations have fought harder and longer
and against bigger adversaries, dealing with much more terrifying
situations. I really don't want to hear bitching and griping over
someone who gets called a name on a playground that can easily be
walked away from. The media has made too much of this. They needed
a juicy story and they found a great one, particularly with the help of
the "Reverends" Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, neither of whom I see as
being anything but people out to further their own careers...kinda like
ambulance chasers out to build up their firms. They are even jokes
within their own community. I really don't want to hear any more from
The Players Themselves: These young women should
fear nothing at this point. I can say nothing bad about them. For one,
they were all smart enough to get into Rutgers. I doubt Mr. Imus can
say the same. Not only were they smart enough to get in, they also have
the ability to balance their school work with their team schedules and
work outs at one of the most esteemed universities in the country. This
is something that the media has conveniently left out in lieu of
repeating the phrase, "Nappy Headed Hos" over and over again, making
the wound deeper. If Mr. Imus is a "shock jock," what then does that
make the media, who refuses to acknowledge the skills of these young
women, on and off the court?
All in all, I would say that
there is a time coming when we will have to figure out our priorities
where it comes to our entertainment. Do we want the "realism" we love
so much on television? We love watching people be hurt, both physically
and emotionally on "reality TV," but if a person makes a statement
using some sort of "trigger word," such as "faggot," "nigger," or
"slut," then immediately, they are red-flagged as being a bigot,
regardless of the context of their words. It happens all the time
ladies and gentleman. And the media latches on, quickly. As
individuals, and as a community as a whole, we need to start deciding,
do we want THEM to tell us what we want, or should we start figuring
out what is right and wrong for ourselves? Last time I checked,
everyone was always so strangely patriotic, but no one can remember the
Bill of Rights or the Constitution. And seeing as how everyone is so
goddamn patriotic, why don't you start acting "American" and utilize
those rights you have and stop letting the government run your
lives...before we end up like so many other "democratic" countries in
Europe (oh that's a whoooole other blog...but, for the record, see:
FRANCE, banning of religious outter wear).
Quote of the Moment Carrie: Ladies, I am not Tampax central. Put on list: buy tampons. Charlotte: Well, I have them at home but they won't fit in my Kate Spade purse.
Miranda: Wow—Kate must have a tiny vagina. ~Sex and the City~ ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
10:25 PM...Wow...So much work accomplished...just by getting my carpets cleaned...NOT THAT CARPET!! Well I'll be buggered! Did you ever think I'd be able to get this place looking so top notch!? Okay, okay, I'll be honest - I'm more in a "getting rid of loads of shit" kind of mood than anything else. That there on the right, that's not the couch. In fact, The couch is GONE. Yes, folks, the cozy, comfy couch I've had since 6th grade (Christ, seriously!?) is officially in the dumpster. And soon, so will the loveseat...All the clutter you still see strewn about, that's all going too. Be lucky you aren't seeing all the large trash bags. I don't think anyone quite remembered the amount of space I had down here!!
I am plenty eshited tho. I'm bringing in my nice, IKEA futon, the one that slips easily into a double bed. Personally, I'm probably going to be using that as my bed from now on. But, it'll suffice as a couch as well. I wish I could get rid of this humongoloid desk I have. I don't have any use for it. I just want a simple table and chair. LOL. I do have the PC as well as the laptop (as you can see). Whenever I move, I'm going to be using both. I'd like to get WiFi and get it all networked together. Oohh soo sweet...not to mention, the ability to play WoW on my PC...aaaaaaahhh...yes...won't that be the life. LOL!! I don't know if the 'rents know this yet, but I'm takin the nice fax machine with me. HAHAHAHAHAHA! If not, I'm gonna have to figure out how the hell to make one of the all-in-ones work. Any volunteers to figure that shit out for me? Cuz I sure as fuck can't! Hmm...anyhoo... Perhaps I should get back to that nice pile of laundry waiting on me. It ain't gettin any smaller...dammit. But, this is what happens when you're sick for a week straight. At least I got to catch up on all the things I'd slacked on.